I’m a writer and I’m good at expressing my feelings. So, naturally, writing about my loss and feelings is how I grieve. It’s how I process my feelings. Sometimes, just sitting down to write it all out lets me examine my feelings, organize my thoughts, and provides a medium of release. During this time of mourning, I have been writing and sharing on my personal facebook, rather than in this blog. I have found that a lot of my lots have been of our mutual friends and wanting to help them through the loss. So, I thought I’d share these things with my readers too.
After first breaking the news of having lost two friends in one week, I had a moment when I was looking through our old text messages and one in particular made me laugh. Clayton was a gay black man nicknamed our “Unicorn” – a rare and fabulous creature. When my friend texted me a greeting called me a “Sexy Ginger”, I replied with calling him a “Sexy Unicorn”. I shared a snippet of this on facebook: “I’ll miss not having these moments with you anymore ❤“
I started looking through our photos and videos and created a facebook gallery of Clayton: “We had a lot of fun on game nights, often times drinking, and being utterly ridiculous. I have videos too, but I need go through them. I’ll cherish these memories.”
I had an overwhelming sense of missing those game nights. So I proposed that we gather together that Saturday for a game night in his honor: “I think we should get together this weekend. Friends doing what we do best, being there and having fun. We’ll have Clayton with us in memory. Reach out to me if you want to join us.”
This day was a day of shock, searching for answers, and lots of tears. I spent a lot of time talking to friends. I’ll share more on my journey here shortly.