Lingering Feelings & Acceptance

May 9th – “So today, I was asked how I am doing. I am doing fine and I’m even chipper at work today. However, since then, I’ve been getting the phantom effect. At one point, I could have sworn I heard Clayton laughing and for that split moment I forgot he was gone. Then just now, I thought Dennis was speed walking down my aisle, but then I realized he too wasn’t here anymore. I’m still okay, but it’s a very odd feeling of dejavu and lingering feelings.”

It’s now May 11th and instead of sharing on facebook, I decided to bring a lot of that sharing to my readers here. If sharing can help my friends, then maybe it can help someone else out there.

Today, I’m having these feelings of really wanting Clayton to be here. I keep seeing his body at the funeral in my mind and it feels so surreal. I keep hearing his laughter in my mind. I’m finding a lot of things to talk about, but he’s not here to share it with, no matter how much I want him to be here. I’m making plans for game nights and I really want to invite him, but he’ll never be here again… except in my heart.

Acceptance is hard and I still don’t want to accept it. I miss you my friend. I always will miss you.

Goodbye Clatyon. I love you.

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