May 1st – it was a week since Clayton (5 days) and Dennis (7 days) passed away. I had experienced mutual friends of both of them who didn’t know if they should attend the funeral. Where they close enough? Is the funeral private? Is being a coworker justification enough? What about the friends that he unfriended on facebook? So I posted this, encouraging Clayton’s friends to attend the funeral, because funerals for those who are mourning.
“Today, I’m contemplative and very calm, if not sullen. There was a moment when I thought, for just a second, that Dennis was walking by. I looked up and had that moment of sad remembrance that he’s gone.
I also thought about Clayton. Someone asked me about his funeral this upcoming Saturday. The same type of funeral concerns came up for Dennis’ funeral too (his was this past Saturday). Should you go to his funeral?
With the distance that come up between Clayton and several of his friends and the Facebook unfriendings, I know people are confused. I wanted to encourage you all to go to the funeral. Clayton was going through heavy emotional stuff, obviously, and I believe he made more than one irrational decision leading up to his final decision. If you valued Clayton as a friend and you are mourning his death than come to the funeral. Funerals aren’t those resting in peace, they are for those living with grief. Even if you feel like you weren’t as close to him or were “just a work friend”, I encourage you to come to the funeral. Work friends are still FRIENDS.
Don’t measure your friendship or grief to anyone else’s.
The only time I’ll suggest not going to the funeral is if the family doesn’t want you there, or if you have done a major wrong to him, or were not his friend (excluding being a friend or family’s morale support). His brother asked if we (those at the Memorial Saturday) would be there and would say something about Clayton, which means they want his friends there. So come to the funeral.
If you still have doubts, reach out to his roommate (who is a great intermediary for his family) or myself (being a friend of Clayton myself). I hope to see you all there <3″