Obsessive Thoughts

I’ve talked about how anxiety can create obsessive behaviors and feelings. I have also talked about how being sick or tired makes it difficult to control the anxiety. I’ve also talked about my love and anxiety for fireworks.

Oh boy what a weekend! I actually had a great time, but it was also a high anxiety weekend. There were fireworks in the street… not in the sky like they are supposed to be! It freaked me out! I was sick with a cold and the menorrhagia kicked in pretty hard on Sunday. I was just shy of going to the hospital, but the pills managed to get it under control. Then Last night, I woke up in a sweat from having a nightmare. So I’m a little sleepy today.

Ironically, even though it sounds pretty bad, it really wasn’t. I was able to rebound steadily, thanks to some pretty amazing friends who seem to understand anxiety pretty darn well. No one kept me back or made it worse. I got the space and attention when and where I needed it. Honestly, this kind of support isn’t something I’ve really had in abundance.

The anxiety isn’t really an issue today. Instead, I’m struggling with obsessive thoughts. I’m to the point of craving. I want more. I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep replaying things in my mind. I keep picking things apart and analyzing them. I keep asking myself questions again and again. I keep letting my mind roam towards things that I…

They aren’t bad thoughts, but in the back of mind, I hear myself saying to stop fighting it. Fear is normal. Craving good things is normal. It’s okay to be… It’s okay to have…

I’ve lost my lost today (even though I’m recovering from the cold just fine). I want to finish those sentences, but I can’t. Some times, you just can’t explain certain things. It just exists and it’s expressed without words and those who understand, simply do.

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