I had a conversation with my mom today and amidst all my pain and anger, I told her that my husband does have some great qualities. In the middle of me hating him, I was telling her what I loved. This angered me more because I didn’t want to think about that any more. I have been telling myself that I don’t want him anymore, because it’s the only way to get my heart to let him go. I’ve been dreaming about him, about getting back together, and then I wake up really angry. I don’t want these dreams. It’s like my brain and heart are in a war with each other.
So, he came home from his weekend with that girl and admitted that he shouldn’t have done it. He said it wasn’t a good weekend for him. He acknowledged just how much he hurt me. I really appreciate those who stood up for me and I appreciate that he’s trying to do the right thing now. He’s not seeing her anymore. Though he says it’s not a “break up”, it’s essentially a break up. He says he’s not ready for this and it’s hurting me a lot. I agreed 100%. He apologized several times for hurting me the way he is.
I’m still hurting, but I feel like this is a step in the right direction. Maybe now we can focus on trying to get through this divorce without the extra hurt and try to be real friends. If he’s being honest about this, this is a good start for both of us. Believe it or not, I do think it’s in his best interest not to rush into a relationship with someone. We’ll see how things go… I just hope things get better for both of us, without having to sacrifice each other in the process.
Best friends can still happen. He CAN be a better person. I don’t hate him quite as much today.