Me & Em

I’m the type of person who doesn’t want people to tell me that I’m pretty just to make me feel better. I don’t want to feel lied to. At the same time, I don’t want people to go out of their way to tell me I’m fat and ugly either. You know the saying – if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.

When I was 120 lbs, people called me fat. Even my mother said “Why don’t you lose weight? Don’t you want to be pretty?” insinuating that I wasn’t pretty. When confronted, she’d say I was pretty, but that fat wasn’t pretty. Yet, I was in no shortage of cat calling and boyfriends. Other girls not only called me fat, but they criticized the baggy clothes that I wore to hide being “fat”. Mom used to ask me to wear something more flattering too.

Then when I lost weight and was only 100 lbs, mom convinced me to wear nicer clothing. I wasn’t called fat anymore, but I was still bullied. Now I was a slut, a whore, and vain. I was the whore who thought she looked pretty just because she lost a few pounds. I was the slut who thought she was better than everybody else. Now I was just “ugly” and “stupid”. I have always had large breasts and that was just another thing to ridicule… claims of stuffing and implants were ridiculous at that age.

Now that I’m actually fat, I’m angry that I was called fat in my youth. I wasn’t fat at 120 lbs. I was a virgin, all natural, and I didn’t even wear make-up. Nothing I did ever mattered. There was ALWAYS something for bullies to harass me about. It’s hard not to believe the bullies, fooling yourself into thinking they don’t fear telling you the truth, so it must be true. They just want to hurt you. You can’t trust them. When you don’t see yourself as pretty, it’s hard to believe anyone who says differently. It’s hard to trust who is lying to make you feel better and who really thinks you are beautiful. Most of all, it’s hard not to believe your mom when she says your not pretty (be careful what you say, because saying you didn’t mean it doesn’t undo the damage).

My mother was never lying to me when she thought I was fat and unattractive. I was not fat nor ugly, but I learned that opinions are neither fact nor lies. They are points of view. It’s like two people looking at a painting in a gallery; one finds it ugly and the other sees beauty. Some folks think any fat is ugly and some find curvier women more sexy. Some people love skinnier women, and some find it repulsive. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” is a very wise saying.

When I look at Em Ford, I see a beautiful woman. I’m not blind, I see the acne. Acne is not pretty, but Em Ford is not acne. She has acne. When I look at Em, I look past the affliction and I see her true face. I see her beauty. Bullies have called her disgusting and then criticized her for covering it up with make-up. Her make-up is stunning. She’s a talented make-up artist. I think she’s beautiful for putting up those tutorials for others who suffer acne.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t wear make-up. I don’t like seeing girls covering up their natural beauty with make-up. However, I’m not a make-up hater either. I think make-up is great for costuming and special occasions.  I even believe in using make-up to hide the afflictions that otherwise make you feel unpretty. I encourage you to let your natural beauty shine regardless of the skin condition, but if you have a talent for make-up then wear your art.

You are beautiful Em Ford. Tell those bullies to #effyourbeautystandards

 

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