Om Nom Nom Rants

Pop Substitutions

When I order a Dr. Pepper, don’t bring me a Mr. Pibb or Dr. Thunder. No, it doesn’t taste the same. If it did, I wouldn’t have complained to the waiter about my “Dr. Pepper” tasting awful. The appropriate thing to do, is tell me you don’t have Dr. Pepper but you do have off brands. That way, I can choose something else. I do not like the off brands. They taste about as awful as diet soda.

This also applies to Coke vs Pepsi and their awful off brands too. No, Coke and Pepsi do not taste the same. To my tastes buds, Pepsi is a flat version of Coke. To my bestfriend, Coke is too sweet and acidic. Likewise, their off brand counter parts do not taste the same. It’s very simple. If you do not have what I asked for, tell me. Don’t substitute it and hope I don’t notice… and when I do notice, don’t have the audacity to tell me it tastes the same!

Street Tacos

I don’t appreciate you calling it a “Street Taco” when really it’s an American Soft Taco. I LOVE street tacos. So when I see “Street Tacos” on the menu, I get a little miffed when you bring me a soft taco loaded with lettuce, tomatoes, sourcream, and cheese. That is NOT a Street Taco!

Google “Street Taco” and there are none of those ingredients. There’s meat, onions, cilantro, and limes (maybe a few other odd ingredients, like avocados). It’s fine to sell soft tacos, but if it’s not authentic Mexican street tacos, then don’t call it Street Tacos.

Size Corrections

When I ask for a “small”, don’t correct me that you “don’t have a small”, because you do have a small. I don’t care what you call it. If that’s the smallest size, then it’s a SMALL.

When I ask for a large, don’t get cute or clever by asking “Did you mean a Venti?” Let’s think about this… is the venti the largest size? Yes? Then that’s the large size, now isn’t it? Some of you might say it’s about clarifying which large you want. In that case, it’s okay to ask “Did you want the large, or did you want the largest size that we have?”

Marketing seems to think it makes everything seem bigger if you never use the word “small”. However, some of us actually want a SMALL drink or portion size. Changing the word to a “tall” or “regular” isn’t going to change the fact that I’m asking for the smallest portion size. Go ahead and call it what you want, but don’t correct the customer. Honestly, it’s condescedning.

I Know What I Ordered

When I order something and you give me the wrong thing, don’t tell me that I ordered something completely different than what I’m telling you that I ordered. What’s more likely – that I ordered food I don’t like, or that you messed up my order? Proceeding to show me the reciept as a defense is stupid. I’m not the one who created that reciept. You did, When you took my order wrong.

It’s okay to make mistakes, just fix it! Don’t argue with the customer, because it just pisses us off more. In the end, I’m going to get what I want, or you don’t get my money. Simple as that.

I know customer can be ridiculous, rude, unreasonable, liars, and even wrong. Pick your battles wisely. Make the customers happy. Don’t argue with them over something small or easily fixed. And also… I KNOW WHAT I ORDERED! I know what food I like and what I don’t like. I know what I’m in the mood to eat and not eat. I know what I asked you for… accept that you misheard it. Fix my order and let’s move on.

Overly Attendant Waistaff

I’m obviously looking at the menu and as I’m asking my friends “You guys want an appe…” the waitress interrupts with a chipper smile and tone “What kind of appetizer can I get you?” Okay, first of all, don’t interrupt me in mid sentence. Second, if you hadn’t interrupted me, you would have already noticed that we aren’t ready to order.

Two minutes later she’s back. “We need a few more minutes” And two minutes later, she’s back again. OKay, I get it, you want to get our order in. That’s fine. What really gets annoying is the every 2 minute interruption.

“How’s the food?” – mid-bite and awkward staring while I try to chew my food and hurry to reply.

“Do you need anything?” – in mid-sentence in conversation with a friend. Thanks for interrupting me.

“Can I get you anything?” two minutes later.

“Is everything okay?” and two minutes later.

“How are we doing?”

“Do you want dessert?”

“Are you enjoying the food?”

“Do you need a refill?”

“Are you going to try anything else on the menu?”

“Is everything good?”

OH MY GOD! Is my glass empty? Did I make eye contact with you? Do I look like I need something, honestly? No… then stop checking back every two freakin’ minutes!! Can you dial it back to 7 or 10 minutes? Or maybe just look over to see if we need something, rather than interrupting my conversation every 2 freakin’ minutes?!

Sure, I dislike a waitstaff that is negligent, but an overly attendant waistaff is just as annoying… especially when they interrupt me. I don’t like being asked about the food before I’ve actually taken a bite, nor when my mouth is full and the waiter is staring at me. Stop that!

The best waitstaff are the ones who wait until after we’ve taken a bite and then comes over, waits for any conversation to pause, and then asks who the food is. A waiter who looks at the table, sees empty or close to empty glasses and just brings over a new drink or fills my glass without interruption… is golden. The waitress who makes eye contact with me and then comes over to see if I need anything, is a well seasoned pro!

Seriously, every TWO minutes is a bit much. Learn to observe your customers, and most of all, don’t interrupt the conversation. Also, you don’t have to ask to refil our drinks, just do it. If we don’t want our drink refilled, we’ll let you know.

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