Poem: Holding Back

Written in 1999 when I was a teenager and a young adult dealing with extreme anxiety.

Do you ever feel like you’re holding something back?
Like you were holding up a ten tonne beam, and if you let go everything would come crashing down?
It’s like carrying a motion sensitive bomb, tip toeing ever so slowly, trying not to set it off.
Instead of “living the day”, you feel like your just trying to “get through the day “.
Most people feel this way when life is hard or when they are sad…
but what if life isn’t hard and you can’t seem to find the sadness?
Then what?
What if you can’t find the touch to the feeling?
It’s like you have the cure to a virus, but it’s misplaced.
You want to scream and lash out, let everything go…
but you know you can’t.
So now what?
I feel like a caged bird, begging to fly…
I see the key, but I can’t reach.

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