I Am An Ambivert

The reason I have had such a difficult time quantifying myself is because of my dualistic personality. In all things that I seek to describe myself, I find myself on both sides of the fence. The best way to explain it is – I am an ambivert.

 

At first, you will believe that I am an Extrovert. Yes, it is true that I am a social, outgoing, talkative person. However, you will find that I am also a guarded, closed off, home-body to which a person might think I am an introvert. These are not small quirks that I am quantifying. These are two dominating sides of my lifestyle.

I love to socialize, go out and do things with people. We have parties on the weekends, and invite friends to go to dinner, movies, card games, role playing games. I love being around friends. I’m excitable and hyper. I talk a lot. When my introvert friends don’t want to do things, I just don’t understand why they like being such cave trolls! I don’t understand, because I revel in life experiences! I get bored so easily! On the other hand, I do understand a little bit.

After all the living and excitement, I sometimes get tired. I need a break to wind down and rest. Right now, I’m having a bit of an introvert feeling. We’re going to dinner and movie, and normally I’d invite 50 people. Today, I’m not inviting anyone. I don’t feel like dealing with people. In fact, usually during the work week, I’m pretty introverted. I don’t like to socialize, I want to go home and I don’t want company. This is so contrary to what I’m like on the weekends. Once I’ve had my introvert time, I get cravings to go out and be around people. It’s a weird cycle of “Leave me alone” – “Let’s do this!”

I’ve seen the introvert memes that say “I’m not angry”, and I get it. There are times that I’m more quiet than usual or don’t reply to everything someone says, or use single word sentences, and that might give the impression that I’m angry… but I’m not. When I’m angry, I’m very vocal and expressive about it (there is no mistaking it). Most of the time, I’m highly responsive and talkative, so I understand why someone might mistake me as being upset. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like socializing, or I want to “peacefully coexist” as it were.

I do a huge amount of inner reflection and quiet contemplation, which is synonymous with introversion; but people don’t notice it, because I’m usually hiding somewhere. People probably assume I’m out doing something exciting, when really, I’m having me-time. On the flip side, I love to hash things out with friends and “talk it out”. My processing is not one or the other, it’s a combination of both.

I used to identify as an extrovert only, but I realized that I only considered it when thinking of myself out in the world around people. When I examine the part of my life that I am not around people, I see an introvert. I see a person who doesn’t like to go to other people’s homes all that much, nor having conversations on the phone. For me, a phone is used to complete a task and for catching up with family. That’s pretty much it… well, okay, games, facebook, and googling too, but those are tasks.

At work, I am a trainer. The extrovert side of me is great in class, engaging, patient, and animated. The Introvert side of me doesn’t like being bothered in my office when there’s no class. I like helping people, but if it’s not important, let me work on updating and creating materials in private. I have lots of other tasks that I’m responsible for outside of training a class. It’s almost like a light switch. I just process different things in different ways and I’m finding that each task is either extroverted or introverted for me.

When I’m having an introvert day, I sometimes don’t mind it if one or two introverted friends hang out with me, because they’ll be naturally quiet and low maintenance. They don’t need my undivided attention to be happy co-existing. My extrovert friends like to call, pm, or stop by unannounced… UHG! Leave me alone! Sometimes, I opt not to answer the door, but my husband often thwarts my effort to be left alone. When I’m having my extroverted days, I want to be with people and I get frustrated when they don’t want to hang out. On those days, I hate being alone and I get very unhappy. On those days, I don’t seem to care if people show up unannounced. However, I’d prefer if friends would text to ask to visit, rather than just showing up at my door, for consideration my introverted side. And please, do text, because if I’m having an extroverted day, you’re text will make me very happy.

Some of my friends are very much introvert and I wouldn’t call them ambiverts at all. Sure, they socialize, they come to the parties and games, but they still retain the introvert personality. The same can be said of my extrovert friends, who while they enjoy some alone time too, they don’t appear introverted. I feel that I am equal parts extrovert and introvert. I am an Ambivert.

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