Summer has ended and fall begins. It’s getting close our fall walk. At this time of year, I get this “fall feeling”, that’s kind of hard to explain. Long ago when I was sick and poor, we used to take walks in the fall. Part of it was to help with the pain I was having, and the other part was so that we could talk about what we wanted in life. We dreamed about what we wanted and how we were going to do it. I loved the crisp cool air and beautiful leaves on the ground. In those moments, it felt like we were a million miles away from our problems. In those moments, we had time to reflect, free from pressure and fear, alone with just ourselves, free to breath. We used to admire the houses in near by neighborhoods and talk about what the future would one day hold for us. We’ve accomplished a great deal of the things we talked about on those walks. Still, I get that feeling that I used to have then. I call it my “fall feeling” but that’s really not accurate. It’s that feeling of the holidays coming, of a year end being around the corner, a feeling of hope, aspiration, and love. It’s a feeling of not just happiness, but a desire for more out of life. I get it every year and we always do our “fall walk” even now.
For the first time ever, we have a car of our own. This was a major milestone for us. It’s a long story about why we never had one, but if you’ve been reading my blog, I’m sure you can make some educated guesses. Despite not having a car, there were many things we’ve done over the past few holidays, including some traditions that we’ve made (like the fall walk). In addition to the walk, we now go to Evil Dead The Musical with our two bestfriends. The performance is cheesy as hell. There’s koolaid “blood” showers on the audience, and it’s terribly low budget… but it’s so much fun! There’s also a haunted forest.
We also have a tradition of inviting people to our holidays, who might not have anyone to spend it with. We also like going to Hooters for Easter dinner. Almost no one goes there for Easter and they are open. So we have a fun dinner surrounded by beautiful women, and we tip them well.
Of coarse, Thanksgiving is always somewhat sullen as we remember those generous friends from our past who have gone. Every year, we remember Greg and we miss him. November 22nd, is always a day to have a cup of coffee to remember him. It’s been almost ten years since he died. Two years ago, on that same date, another friend was lost. Chazz is the reason we’re in OKC and we’ll always remember his generosity too. Thank you both for being there and believing in us. You will ALWAYS be remembered. If only you could see us now!
For Christmas, we now have the means to start doing something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. A long time ago, when I was just a little girl with my mother, my father was abusive. A memory that sticks out in my mind is Christmas. I remember dad being drunk and beating up mom, throwing dishes and food on the ground, making a huge mess. After he left and mom cleaned up the mess in tears, we went out for a drive. Out in the darkness, looking at Christmas lights, we were out of harms way and free. It didn’t last long, but I remember loving being there with my mother, feeling safe, and somewhat happy in that moment. I’m sure that memory was of many holiday nights. I also remember me and brothers feet on the fire place when we had no power. I remember when Minou passed away under the Christmas Tree (old age; vet said it was her time). There were lots of sad memories, but in love and life, we have built good ones too.
I’ve had friends take me to Christmas light parks, and while I do enjoy it and appreciate it, it’s not what I’ve been looking for. I want to go out and see Christmas lights on actual houses, put up by people celebrating the holidays. That’s what we’re going to do this year. We talked about renting a house and we want to do it right. We need to save up money and we’re going to be picky. We won’t settle for anything less than what we want. Should we wait until after the holidays or start saving now? These past few holidays, we have made it a point to have a big Christmas, whether a big present, or many little presents, or going out to the Orchestra! I think going to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra is likely to win a spot as a holiday tradition with us.
But this year, we’re going to do something different. We’re going to save money for the house! While we don’t plan to buy gifts, or go to the theater or concerts, we can still have a pretty awesome Christmas. This year, I want to go for a drive looking at lights. I want to focus on decorating the house a bit more extravagantly (as we do have decorations and lights in a box). We can explore Bricktown (downtown) and all of the free Christmas things (or fairly cheap festivities). I want to watch a marathon of Christmas movies, eat a home cooked Christmas dinner (rather than going out), and maybe having a friend or two over! I want to have a relaxing, thankful, and beautiful Christmas this year. We can make it special a different way this year… maybe a house to rent for Christmas? Maybe a puppy to go with it? Hmmmm…. we’ll see how things go. I think that fall walk is right around the corner!