Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

You know those moments in a movie that brings you back to childhood and makes you squeeee? I did not get that with this movie. Sure they made some classic references like “cowabunga” and what not. There were novel moments but not the kind that is reminiscent of my TMNT days. Sure they were silly, but it wasn’t all that funny. It felt like a bad pseudo-reenactment of what made them funny. It didn’t feel natural, it felt forced.

I disliked Mecha Shredder. Believe it or not, he was lackluster. When they first introduced him, I was impressed. I thought he was badass and I felt like I could get behind the new Shredder…. but that was before they put on his metal and made him ridiculous. They had a cool idea, but then promptly lost it.

The Foot Clan was pretty much completely useless and not at all ninjas. They were mooks with guns that were barely in the movie. They felt like extras and background pieces. They were definitely a missed opportunity, because they were great in the original movies.

The origin story was changed, which was a minor nuisance for me. For my husband, it ruined his suspension of disbelief (because there were things that didn’t make sense). He felt that learning to be a ninja from a book wasn’t believable enough. Taking Splinter out of Japan made the connection between Splinter and Shredder minut. Not having a proper connection between them, dissolved any connection between the turtles and the Foot Clan. I’ve talked about suspension of disbelief before, but they pretty much said fuck science. Aside from my husband’s gripes, I found many things in the movie that felt like they ignored science and didn’t care to make it in any what way believable. There is a point when you go too far and things aren’t logical enough to support a suspension of disbelief. 

There was no Casey Jones, which is a fantastic character. Don’t even get me started on April O’Neil. I hated the character more than I disliked Megan Fox. I wasn’t really a fan of hers to begin with, but now, after her attitude towards fans… she can go fuck herself.  Do yourself a favor Bays, drop Megan Fox and get a real actress. She’s just another reason the movie sucked.

Also, Bays has a set of sound effects that he insists on using in (what feels like) every movie and I hate it. It’s over done. I greatly dislike Michael Bays’ movies, but that wasn’t always the case. It just seems like he’s becoming the destroyer of childhood memories for me. I didn’t hate TMNT to the same degree that I hated Transformers, but I was far from loving it. I never wrote about Transformers, but know that I loathed it and didn’t watch any of the sequels.

The movie is fine for kids, and there are some entertaining parts to the movie, but it’s just not worth paying good money to see it in the theaters in my personal opinion. If you are a die hard fan, skip it and watch the original movie. When we got home, we watched the original movie and it was like a master piece! It was fun, hilarious, and had a good story. Yes, it was cheesy but I loved it. I think Michael Bays had something, but didn’t get the soul of the Ninja Turtles. It was like he tried too hard on the franchise, and yet, at the same time, he didn’t try hard enough to make it feel like the same characters and dynamics that we loved. I’m not saying it had to be the same story, but it needed to be the essence – to which it did not capture.

I don’t think I’m going to watch any more of Bays’ films. It’ll take a lot to reel me back in.


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